Friday, March 16, 2007

All the World is a Fishstick

As I wait for my Van de Kamp's "fishsticks" to "cook" I will post a little something. It's been a while since my Party Sock posting, but I've been busy, busy, busy. My life is a never-ending whirlwind of activity, although, in truth, it will end eventually.

The play that I haven't mentioned being a part of premiered tonight in North Royalton. The atmosphere was electric as the audience waited for the show to start. Actually, I think the electricity may have had more to do with their anticipation of the intermission refreshments. The audience laughed all throughout the show. If only it had been a comedy. They laughed in particular at my fly being open, but I am happy to have made any kind of impression on them at all.

I'm joking, of course. The show was indeed a comedy. The crowd really enjoyed it, in fact they even broke into cheers whenever I left the stage. My only problem with them as a group is that they hogged all the refreshments, leaving the actors with little to eat but hardtack and headcheese. I have no idea what headcheese is, but it bounces when you drop it on a tiled floor.

We don't seem to be getting anywhere here. Let me start over. I was in a play this evening in North Royalton (in Ohio, less than a day's mule ride from my house.) The crowd was small, but enthusiastic, which may have been due to the fact that it was a group of dwarves who just came out of a motivational seminar. Okay, disregard part of the previous sentence. I think that the smell of the "fish" sticks wafting up to my computer room is having a deleterious effect on my concentration. Anyway, the cast of players did a fine job in their respective roles, and afterwards we all played a quick game of headcheese basketball.

Van de Kamp's fishsticks, if left unattended in an oven, will shrivel and dry up much more quickly than most bloggers expect. This blogger found the resultant sticks to be unworthy of another Gold Medal Taste Award from the American Tasting Institute (they won the award in 2001). I have to wonder how many entrants there were in the competition for a medal at the American Tasting Institute that year if the winner was fishsticks. Did they compete against a wide array of foods, including such items as key lime pie, mom's fried chicken, chocolate cake, etc? I don't see Van de Kamp fishsticks winning a medal over any of those foods. I bet there weren't many entrants that year, and that the fishsticks won over such foods as turnips, potted meat and sea cucumber.

And what kind of a place is this American Tasting Institute? Can anybody get a job there? Do the tasters only taste the food and spit it out, like wine tasters do? Or does the institute employ people who are willing to eat vast quantities of food in the quest to find the best of the best? Would they consider employing competitive eaters in order to increase productivity? Those fishsticks made my stomach hurt a bit. It'll pass in time for the next batch. Good night.


Monica said...

Sorry I missed your production - it sounds like quite an interesting audience what with the headcheese, dwarves and intermission refreshments. Perhaps someday one of your productions will be showing while I'm in town!

I'm still puzzled about your self-destructive fish affinity. You don't seem to enjoy the fishsticks and fishbricks, they're certainly not healthy or nutritious, and apparenlty they're frequently over cooked. Yet you continue to subject your stomach to these gastric atrocities. What's the deal??? Is that your penance for Lent?????

Neil said...

I eat the fish products because fish is so good for the brain. With each bite of fish I feel my intellect expanding. And the smarter I get, the more I want to know. My insatiable hunger for knowledge becomes and insatiable hunger for seafood, so I go out and get more fishsticks, fishbricks, and other fish-themed foods.

Monica said...

Doesn't it seem counter-intuitive that your desire to increase your IQ is causing you to eat more of a pseudo-food that causes stomach woes? Have you considered buying fresh fish and cooking it? Heinen's has a good seafood department, and I would be happy to share some very quick-and-easy recipies. Then you could feed your brain without making your stomach want to crawl out your left ear before you down another fish-bomb.

Neil said...

Monica, you use the term "fish bomb" in such a way as to confuse the casual reader into thinking it is something less than wonderful.

Monica said...