Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Mutant Vegetation


I came home from a three day trip this weekend and couldn't find my house. I drove up and down the street looking, but could not spot it. Finally I got smart and decided to look for my neighbors' houses, which would at least narrow down the search area to a more manageable size. Well, I found the two houses that normally stand on either side of my home. But in between the two houses there was nothing but a field of extremely tall grass. So I put two and two together and walked into and through the grass until I smacked my nose into what felt distinctly like my house. Sure enough, it was my house. It turns out that the problem was that my lawn grew so fast this weekend that my poor little house became obscured. How interesting that seemingly normal vegetation can grow so quickly. I was only gone for three days. I realize that it rained while I was away, but as far as I know, it rained water, not Miracle-Gro. I think that if Jack of giant-killing fame wants to find a place to launch another beanstalk, he couldn't do any better than to plant his beans in my front yard. The stalks would probably hit the moon. I'm going to have a hell of a time mowing this mess. The only way I can think to make any headway is to turn the mower on and lower it down from my attic window, being careful not to nick any treetops. The problem is that once I finish cutting the lawn, it will be ready for mowing again. It's sort of like the painters on the Golden Gate Bridge. They just paint and paint and by the time they finish, they start again.

4 comments:

JadedDeath said...

My lawn is crazy like that too, like, one weekend i decided not to mow the back, since no one goes there, and now I the one week i didn't mow it, my whole lawn seemed to grow faster. Now I'm scared to go outside and do something about it...

Dan Logan said...

My lawn got so out of control once I actually had to fence it in with temporary fencing and let my horse graze it down to a normal size...of course then I had another problem with the lawn but you get the picture

Monica said...

So... sounds like Neil just needs to get himself a horse. Or perhaps a few sheep like they used to have on the Whitehouse lawn! Just fence the yard in, buy a couple of sheep, and you'll never have to worry about it again. That is, until the City of Lakewood decides you're in violation of something or other...

Mr. Austin said...

I never understood the concept of a lawn. As far as I can tell it's so your house appears to have sprouted from a naturally occurring bed of grass, but grass that is unnaturally kept 1" tall.

I think Astroturf is the way to go.