Thursday, September 18, 2025

Big Change at the Drive-Through

This is what probably happened a few weeks ago at the Wendy's I recently stopped at. This is purely conjecture on my part, but the experience I had there, and at other drive-throughs, leads me to believe that I might be right.

It's closing time. The manager, Mitch, summons the gal at the drive through window, Margaret. He asks her to step into his office.

"Margaret," he says, pointing to her, "I'm going to have to replace you at the drive-through window."

"Replace me? she answers. "But why, sir? What have I done wrong?"

"Nothing, Margaret," he replies. "And that's the problem. You've been very efficient, very competent, very friendly, very helpful. But worst of all, you've been speaking too clearly. You've been communicating too well, too clearly. I myself have been in the drive through and I heard and understood everything you said. You greeted us, you took our order, you answered our questions, you gave us the price, and worst of all, you immediately opened the window to greet us when our car drove up to pick up the order. Oh, and then we get the order, I looked in the bag, and lo-and behold, I find ketchup, salt, a straw and napkins in there." 

"What's wrong with that, Mitch? I thought I was supposed to do all that. Was I wrong?"

He leans across the desk, eyes locked on hers. "I'm glad you asked that question. And the answer is no. You should not do all that. I don't think you understand that this is Wendy's. Wendy's. It is our policy as a company to make the drive-up window experience as dreadful as possible. We can't have customers being greeted warmly. We can't have customers getting their orders in a hurry. People come to our drive-through expecting to be able to watch a full episode of whatever on their phones while they wait for their turn to order, and another episode between ordering and getting to the window. And, if that window opens when they drive up to it, something is wrong, very wrong. And we can't have people getting napkins without asking. No napkins unless they expressly ask for them after getting their food. And ketchup does not grow on trees, young lady, so we're not just giving it away without a fight, or at least some kind of ...uh, delay. But worst of all, and this is our biggest problem here, worst of all, is the fact that some of these people are able to actually understand you through the speaker, and that they know exactly how much they will be paying. Unacceptable... just unacceptable. And what's kind of sad about all of this is that when you started at the drive-through, Margaret, you were perfect. You didn't have a clue. You spoke so softly, and so fast that it was impossible to know what you said, or even to know that you said anything at all. And you would get orders wrong, and you used to make people wait five or ten minutes at the window before you even opened it up to take their money. It was great. And sometimes you'd drop their debit card, and sometimes you'd be completely silent at the window... wouldn't say a word. It was marvelous! And napkins... man, we saved so much money on napkins and ketchup, and salt and pepper those first few months. Between your ineptitude and the snails I've got working in the back, I think we set records for the fewest orders taken and the longest lines around the building. I'm telling you, Corporate was over the moon about it. And the looks on peoples' faces, the poor customers... consternation, rage, frustration, resignation... was priceless.

"And I'm not blaming you, Margaret. I mean, things happen. People change for the better without meaning to. As you do something, you tend to get better at it. It's natural. You got really good at your job, Margaret.  And that's my fault. I wasn't keeping an eye on things like I should have. I had a lot of things to do and I sort of forgot to keep an eye out. My bad." He sits back in his chair.

"I'm really sorry, Mitch. I had no idea I was being such a problem for you. Are you firing me?" she asks, fully expecting the worst.

"No, no. Nothing like that. I wouldn't do anything like that. You're like family here. We're a family. No. You can stay with us as long as you want, Margaret. I'm just going to have you work in the back, away from the customers for the time being."

"But I'm not really good at the food part. I wasn't trained on all that, remember?"

"That's perfect. The less you know, the slower you'll be. And that's a good thing, right? We'll find something kind of complicated for you to do back here. And now I gotta get somebody else to man the drive-through. We'll be fine."

"I hope I don't have to work with Wanda. I think she hates me."

"She hates everyone. I haven't seen her smile in two years."

"Maybe you should put her on drive-up window duty, eh?"

Mitch's face lights up. He smiles a big smile and answers, "Yes! Yes! That's it! She's perfect. Margaret, you are a genius. That's exactly what we'll do. We'll put Wicked Wanda on window duty." Mitch rises from his chair, grabs Margaret and ushers her out of the office. "I better give Wanda the good news."

"Why don't you wait until tomorrow to tell her, Mitch?" asks Margaret with a sly glance, "that way she won't be ready to do the job."

"Oh, Margaret. That's so good. We'll have chaos out there tomorrow." He puts his arm around her shoulder and says, "You are so definitely not fired. In fact, I bet one of these days you're going to be over there at Corporate with a mind like that. Just put in a good word for me over there." He gives her shoulder a squeeze and they both grin devilish grins at one another.

That's what probably happened.


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